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Stock Characters

by Dead Uncles

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1.
It’s funny that at 24 I can feel like such a complete failure considering I haven’t had the time to do too much damage. And I keep saying I’m gonna get my act together, but you know how that goes, yeah you know how that goes. I know I don’t deserve your sympathy but I just want one thing to go right for me. And I keep saying I’m doing the best that I can, but that’s a lie and I’m pretty sure everyone knows it. It’s scary to think that I can’t remember the last time I really tried. I’m so fucking sick of barely getting by. And I know I don’t deserve it, but could you tell me what it’s like to not feel worthless all the time?
2.
Telling Time 02:06
Your story grows under fluorescents. I skim the pages, yeah, like you don’t do the same. You have this way of talking about nothing. Convenient habits are just habits without names. You know adulthood looks real good on you. Like a too-tight sweater you found lying around. What’s the opposite of killing time? What’s a name other than just a sound? We’re all self-absorbed we just got different names for it. Mark our heights against the wall to prove we’ve somehow grown a bit. I measure time by missing pages from a blank notebook. Stock characters are never worth a second look.
3.
Devoured 02:11
So what the was point in any of this? Nothing I did ever made a difference. Now I’m sitting here alone just talking to myself and I know I need change but I can’t even get out of bed. I know apathy won’t get me anywhere, but what’s the point in caring when you’ve got nothing left? I think about giving up all the time. It’s all worthless, I don’t want this, it was never mine. I remember when I chose this stupid life I thought I had it all fucking right. How do I live like this, devoured by the cold and hopelessness? Does it ever get better? No, I don’t think it gets any fucking better. And I see the sun coming up but I still don’t give a fuck. It’s gonna be a real long day again, yeah it’s gonna be a real long day.
4.
It’s weird to think that we weren't born this bitter or that not everybody loves a quitter. Collecting pats on the back and platitudes like dying amps and a bad attitude. "Chin up. You'll get 'em next time champ." It’s a state of mind I just don’t understand. I’ve got this lie and I think it sounds okay. Repeat myself cause there’s nothing better to say. And I've got that moment in mind when motion for motion’s sake sufficed. We were watching dollar store kites fall apart as they aimlessly took flight. We spend our time learning what we should avoid, then watch our plans as they transform into ploys. It seems we crashed before anyone saw. Staying grounded's easy when its gravity's law. Like singing songs when we don’t really know the words, playing along but somehow we don’t know the chords. We’ll call this one what we like, like maybe “lesson learned.” There’s a nice ring to that, no cause for concern.
5.
Kids My Age 03:01
This is purgatory by any other name; to wander through multitudes all dreaming of fame in a single hue and just one word. Stasis so clear behind faces so blurred. The kids my age don’t wanna know. Just want some place pricey to go to talk about how there ain’t no good bands anymore. To articulate as best they can “at least we tried” through the conciliatory gestures of the recently wide-eyed and to leave mutually reassured. Stasis so clear behind faces so blurred. Yeah all the kids my age mostly wait around to die.
6.
I Can't Tell 01:46
I say the wrong thing at exactly the right time. You look at me and just roll your eyes. I can’t tell what you think of me and to be honest it’s driving me crazy. Cause I don’t want you to think of me as some young insecure fool. I will get over this. I always do. I don’t want you to think of me as some young insecure fool. I will get over this. I will get over you. I’m not always drunk, just when I talk to you. I’m not always scared, just when I look at you.
7.
Faces look the same. It’s all in how I squint. Think I recognize the blobs or at least their half smiling. And some have long distance eyes, close enough to hide. Ideals or eyelids are all I recognize. I find myself nodding slow to every lazy disguise. An all-purpose response that I used to not mind. Blank expressions weren’t meant to be worn this thin, a not-so-clever way of trying to fit in. But it works for me. I got a face just like a memory. The grounds there to catch each stare. Collecting at our feet, so we trip before we meet. Maybe we’d just rather be side notes, mumbling everything we think we know. Half-hatched plans, like signs around our neck. We wear them well with grins that just don’t fit. These conversation pieces make me bored. Disingenuous and on our own accord.
8.
Well this is so hard for me, having you here lying next to me. I wanna tell you everything but I can’t cause all I feel is shame in my vulnerability. And I can’t believe you might actually wanna see me so when I call you I just feel guilty. And are my insecurities driving you away? Well if you wanna know they are driving me insane. I wonder why I’m lonely, I wonder who’s to blame and I wonder why I can’t even change? The last time I felt good was when I was kissing you but I knew that it wouldn’t last ‘cause someone else would come along and you would see me for what I really was, a pathetic jerk who was always falling apart.
9.
Strangers 01:52
There are days when I don’t talk to anyone, opinions they’re always so free. But in this old neighborhood, it sometimes looks good, the world plopped down in front of me. So let’s be like strangers, you can go first. Sometimes it’s just way too easy to play this damn part, absent-minded, apart, mouth clogged up with all of these could-be’s. So about me from now on, I’ll speak in stale sighs and wide yawns. So we’re staring up at clouds wondering if it’s the same ones that keep floating by. I’m not quite sure what I see, but I’m certain it’s never been eye to eye. I’m restless, I’m idle, out of breath but I’ll try to put together a thought like in a script we forgot. Just because we fill silence doesn’t mean that we’re trying. Swear I’ve heard this before, every word is a chore.
10.
They’re all milling about and I’m striving to care but it’s been three months since I’ve come up for air. I’m up in my room and I can see my breath. I can hear their laughter from a hospital bed. Reverberate against the hollow form of questions I could not find the words for. It’s ringing out; if it’s any comfort, the sound of that note made me feel less alone. That’s hard to come by lately. This city seems smaller than it used to be, like there’s just one street and we all walk that line. I heard some footsteps walking away just fine without the martyrs to their own bad time. So walk away, walk away just fine where there’s so much more on the line.

credits

released June 13, 2012

Dead Uncles are Tim Rowe, Andrew , Matt Rowe and Brian Thompson.

deaduncles.blogspot.com

Recorded May 19 & 20 in New Haven by Brian Pauze. Mastered by Will Killingsworth.

Cassette Tape Released by We Rise (werise.wordpress.com) and Trashy Tapes (Call Zack 617-999-4118)

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